I’m soooooo fucking bored

You would think college life would be… interesting, but nope I am sitting here ready to just hit my head against a wall because I’m without a project to keep myself mentally stable.
I can’t edit the video review I have recorded because the colleague who has it is as incompetent as can be.
I can’t film a new review because I don’t have a camera I can get good footage off of.
I can’t practice the violin because my friend might have been an idiot and taken it to another state
I can’t draw, or do a puzzle, or play video games because I’ve already been doing that for toooooo fucking long.
I can do homework, but then I’ll just be in the same predicament later.
Does anyone want me to review something?
Does anyone want me to make a video out of a previous review even though it would be the format of The Conjuring Review where you never see me?
I’ll do any movie, I’ll do a 3 episode review of any tv show or anime. Hell depending on the anime I might just do the whole fucking thing!
I don’t know I’m just ranting cause I’m booorrrreeeeddddd

Filmmakers vs. Critics

Here I am, sitting in Moving image Art class (film 101). It’s the first class, and I’m talking to a few people around me. They’re chatting about the shorts they’ve made and the commercials they’ve done and all I’ve really got is my reviews behind me as my experience. Ok, so we came into film from two different points, no big deal right? Wrong, because as the class progresses the professor gets to the part of the lecture about critiquing your classmates work and the difference between critiquing and criticism. Seems like a oddly confusing question doesn’t it? Those two things… are the same thing, just a different form of the word. This is how they describe it: Critiquing is constructively analyzing and giving feedback on a rough cut of the project to attempt to make it better. Criticism is an opinionated look at the final product, and isn’t constructive.
That’s backhanded, but that’s not the worst part. How the professors (we had combined with another class for the latter part of the period so both professors were lecturing) had gotten to this point was by asking us “name some words that you associate with a Critic”
Here’s what my classmates said: “judgmental”, “opinionated”, “harsh”, “harmful”, “condescending”, “not helpful”, “destructive”
And that’s when I realized the big difference between me and them (maybe not everyone’s like this, but for the sake of this rant I will just say “them”). I came into film from the critics side, looking at the overall film first and then as I progressed, looking at how it’s made and wanting to be a filmmaker because of it. They came into it from the perspective of “Oh that movie was cool, I want to try that” and from there becoming more and more fascinated with the intricacies of film, jumping straight into the role of the filmmaker.
Even the professors, who I would expect to have at least mentioned that reviews have their purpose in culture, talked condescendingly about critics, even bringing up specific ones like Roger Ebert. To be fair they didn’t say outright that ALL critics are evil, or even the notable ones they mentioned were, but they still had a bitter tone to their voice and the same word choice as the students.
There are three parties when it comes to movies. The makers, the audience and in-between them are the critics. The purpose of a critic is to let the audience know, in their opinion, what movies should and should not be viewed. Like it or not, filmmakers are putting out these movies for people to pay for, even if it is the penultimate artistic expression of their career. People need to know if they are getting their moneys worth. On the other end, filmmakers who may think that their ideas are great need critics to wake them up and show them when they’re not. For example, during the production of The Phantom Menace, George Lucas was surrounded by yes men who would not argue with him on anything. That movie was shit. Critics had to basically say “George Lucas, you’re fucking stupid for thinking this was good.” Did it change how the other two turned out, no, but if the same thing happened with Spielberg or Cameron or Scorsese, it would be up to the critics to tell it how it is, because these men are so powerful. Critics can help a movie too! Do you think The Conjuring would have made nearly as much money if the Critics hadn’t let the audience know “Hey, dumbasses, don’t go see The Lone Ranger! This movie kicks ass!” Critics praise movies for decades when they deserve it, keeping them relevant to people who aren’t in the industry. What are the odds of people knowing that “Citizen Kane” is the best movie ever, if Critics didn’t keep putting it on their top lists.
Don’t get me wrong, Critics can be judgmental, ignorant assholes. They’ll tear apart movies and say they’re shit, just because they aren’t their favorite genre. Just look at my progression for example. My first video review was of The Legend of Sorrow Creek a low, low budget indy film that clearly had some hard work put into it, but still turned out terribly. I feel terrible about how I treated that film. I totally Nostalgia Critic-ed it, when it didn’t deserve it. I tore everything in it apart, sounding like a whiny snot nose bitch. Here’s the thing about the Nostalgia Critic. He tears apart big Hollywood productions (for the most part) and he does it for COMEDY, with an occasional moral about film. If you can’t take the joke, piss off and I, at the time, didn’t get the joke properly. Since then I’ve learned a shit-ton about filmmaking and have made a few things on my own, but I probably would still be a raging asshole if it weren’t for the moral crisis of Joe Christiana of “The Cutting Room Movie Podcast.” He faced the trouble of reviewing movies, when he himself was a movie maker and when it came to reviewing a smaller indy production he refused to do it, because he didn’t know if he would someday meet those guys. He couldn’t hold himself on a pedestal and judge their work, all the while having the same things said about his stuff. This made me realize that every movie is made by hardworking people, and the redeeming qualities need to be given credit.
Quick sidebar. One reason critics get bashed on is them constantly hating horror films and smaller indy projects that aren’t avant-garde. Again, as a person who has seen Battleship Potemkin and Death Bed I am torn between these two worlds. Yes I understand that in the grand scheme of things a movie like Death Bed is terrible, but it serves its purpose of being a low budget horror film to laugh at and because of this, it’s good enough for a certain audience and deserves credit for such. The same can be said about Sharknado, which is brilliant, because it accomplishes everything it should, just like Citizen Kane accomplished its goals.
So yes, a critic who doesn’t understand the filmmakers point of view is an asshole, the same way a critic who doesn’t understand the audience’s point of view gets no followers. However, that doesn’t mean filmmakers are exempt! Filmmakers who don’t see the purpose of Critics are assholes, the same way a Filmmaker who doesn’t see the audience’s perspective has no viewers. Critics serve as an intermediary and should not be ignored. A filmmaker who understands the perspective of a critic will be better able to not only take criticism, but understand the trends in cinema and what will and won’t work in their movie. This is my main problem with professors who ignore that, because they are hindering growth.
They aren’t wrong though in that there are a lot of critics who don’t treat films fairly. I like to think that I’m fairly balanced in my perspective and thus I can judge a film better, but a lot of critics don’t have that balance between filmmaker, critic, and audience member. It just makes me wonder… will my more critically based eye prevent me from interacting well with my fellow students? Can I help them see the Critics perspective? Or should I even bother when the world of reviewing clearly needs more unbiased eyes?

Lots ‘O’ Questions

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My Skin
2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker?
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes please
4. Do you plan outfits?
I do, depending on the occasion
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?
A red string around my wrist… and my hair
7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body?
Stare… get queasy, and then call the police
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
ehhhhh… fringes of memory, nothing I could really put into words
9. Three of your current feelings?
Woah Deja Vu! Tired, Reflective, hungry
10. What are you craving right now?
Cereal and a certain somebody
11. Turn ons?
A certain somebody
12. Turn offs?
Guys… genocide… my parents
13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
A cabbage…
14. When was the last time you cried? Why?
A couple of days ago when I had to let out all my bottled up emotions over a certain someone
15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be?
The one that just did it part time
16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?
No, and he doesn’t need to.
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Bite, licking is weird for some reason
18. Favorite movie ever?
O.O ummm… I run a movie/personal blog, a fav is hard to pick
19. Do you like yourself?
To an extant…
20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yes, but it depends on your definition of celebrity (Shout-outs to Dan Jurgens and Little Kuriboh and Linkara)
21. Could you handle being in the military?
22. What are you listening to right now?
Lost in the Static, a random topic podcast
23. How many countries have you visited?
24. Are your parents strict?
not particularly
25. Would you go sky diving?
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Yes, I would be interested to hear his perspective, not the media’s interpertation of his perspecitve
27. Whats on your mind right now?
These questions and politics
28. Is there anything you want to say to someone?
well… yeah
29. Have you ever been in a castle?
mmmmm nope, but I want to!
30. Do you rent movies often?
meh, more of a streamer
31. Whats your zodiac sign?
32. When was the last time you had sex?
33. Name five facts about yourself.
1. I’m alive 2. I’m eating cereal 3. I’m in love 4. I’m suck at LIFE 5. I wish that our government wasn’t so sodding stupid
34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened?
Nope, not that dangerous of a life going on
35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny?
Mmmmmmm not sure, you know agnostic and all that
36. Brown or white eggs?
White! wait was that racist… nah jk
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Whats hot Topic O.o
38. Ever been on a train?
Yep, it was trainy
39. Ever been in love?
Wellllllllllll I supppoooossssseee
40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it?
Yeah, if I was with some people
41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with?
… nah I’m good as me.
42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to becopme more attractive, would you do it?
Hell no!
43. Whom do you admire and why?
Oh loads of people for their accomplishments, morals, etc…
44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child?
ummmm ghost stories were a favorite of mine
45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do?
Get some help
46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you?
mmmm noooo, as tempting as it is to give them a high salary job, they should choose
47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol?
those times I wasn’t on them
48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol?
Those times I was on them… oh wait I never did that
50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it?
No I would prolly leave it there, since it’s prolly drug money
51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them?
Why wouldn’t I?
52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger?
No, give me better odds and… nah I still wouldn’t
53. How old were you when you lost your virginity?
ummmmm 45
54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires?
In one universe or another they all exist
55. If you could live forever, would you want to?
No I wouldn’t want to see my loved ones die and the world go to shit
56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are?
The Death Bed
57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit?
1940s Hollywood
58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it?
NO! That’s sick
59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it?
haha noooooo
60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to?
Mmmmmmm maybe, if I already had one
61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy?
Live Longer, because afraid of death and all death

God such…

Intense emotion. I feel so defeated, so pathetic, so… alone. From a goddamn TV show. Why is it that I pour my heart and soul into characters, when the one thing I hate most, endings, is bound to happen. Why? Why do I feel more intense emotion now then I do during an average day? Do I revel in this negative aliveness or do I move on and cheer myself up? or do I blog about it and hope someone understands me….

A Hitchhikers guide to the 3 Ls

I am constantly changing. My likes, dislikes, thoughts, personality are all constantly in flux based on what shows, events, and people are around me. It’s hard to have constant thoughts about someone when your thoughts aren’t constant. It’s also not helped when you have no absolute faith. I believe in only one absolute, that there are no absolutes. And this leads to a shattering of faith in both people and the future. I may never be absolutely sure of my future with someone, but I can still have wants and desires of the future. I may never absolutely trust someone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t share my most private thoughts with them. It’s a give and take system for the most part, I need some give before I’m willing to give back. That being said, my ultimate goal when it comes to people is to find that person to anchor me down, to be constant among my inconsistencies. Someone to share life, love and laughter with. Someone I can take to a con, someone who will at least feign interest in the latest anime that consumes me, someone who will listen to the ravings of a madman and give honest feedback. Someone who can postulate on the theories presented in a sci-fi movie. Have I found that person? Again, no absolutes, but I at hope that I have.
Hmmmm not sure if these ramblings accomplished anything, but I hope that some bit of the convuluted war between emotion and logic in my head has been conveyed through this.