All the “Hellraiser” Movies Ranked

Despite Hellraiser and Hellbound: Hellraiser II being considered classics, I’ve never heard much about the sequels besides “they’re awful.” So since it’s one of my favorite horror movies, I decided to go through and watch all the Hellraiser movies. Despite being a slog at times, this was a fun journey and one I hope you’ll enjoy the fruits of!

#1 – Hellraiser (1987)

When she and her husband move into a house previously owned by the husband’s brother Frank, Julia can’t help but fantasize about the sexual encounters she had with Frank many years ago. This mid-life crisis leads to murder, as Frank returns from the dead and demands blood in order to be restored to his fully human form. Meanwhile, her stepdaughter Kirsty encounters the strange angel-demons Frank has escaped from and is in a race against time to trap Frank before her own soul is forfeit.

Hellraiser is obviously a classic and it’s always the classics that are the most difficult to talk about. I can only say “this and that are good” so many times. I think the thing that struck me this time around is how well it pulls off the protagonist shift: from being centered around Julia to being centered around Kirsty. This is a switch we see a lot in horror, especially slasher films. We start the film essentially from the killer’s perspective and it’s only in the last act that we switch to the perspective of the final girl. Hellraiser does this so much better than most, fully immersing us in Julia’s inner life before slowly shifting to Kirsty’s point-of-view and by introducing us to the Cenobites with Kirsty, we are aligned with her for the rest of the movie.

I think part of what works about Hellraiser, when comparing it to the rest of the franchise, is that without the presence of the Cenobites, it’d still be an effective horror film. It wouldn’t be iconic, but it’d be effective. When it comes to the many non-Cenobite centered entries in this franchise, they weren’t particularly good movies before the Cenobites were added in. At the end of the day, Hellraiser is not only good, not only an artistic achievement, but actually iconic in the traditional sense of the word. It captures a mood, an atmosphere, a philosophy so rarified that it was never captured again, just evolved upon in the best instances and bastardized in the worst.

#2 – Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)

Kirsty’s presence in a mental hospital gives Dr. Channard the perfect opportunity to open the gates of hell, with a resurrected Julia’s aid. Kirsty and her puzzle-solving mute friend wander through the labyrinth of hell to try and find her father, but the Cenobites are closing in and there’s no bargaining out of their wrath this time.

This movie is bug-nuts banana-cakes insane and I love it. It takes every concept and every theme from the original and dials it up to eleven, for better and for worse. Gone is the moody atmosphere and claustrophobia, as there’s frankly not enough time for it. While Hellraiser is confined and its smallness is its greatest strength, Hellbound is labyrinthian in all the story beats, imagery, and themes it’s trying to hit. You have to be a fan of the original and already invested in Kirsty as a character, as Hellbound makes no concerted effort to get its audience on board. The roller coaster simply goes too fast for that. 

Hellbound is in many ways an ideal sequel. It’s intentional, but playful in its relationship with the original. It doesn’t try to recreate the magic, but instead creates its own similar magic. It carries over enough of the aesthetics of the original that even new concepts like a labyrinthian hell feel as part of the universe as the returning elements. While Hellbound lacks the artistic touch of the original, I think it more than makes up for that in raw creativity and thrills galore.

#3/#4 – Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)/Hellraiser (2022)

A choose-your-own-adventure entry where which movie works best depends on what you like about the original duology. If what you like is the horror movie melodrama, the creativity of the gore, and the technical achievements of the effects, then Hell on Earth is more your speed. However, if what you prefer is the atmosphere, the surrealism, and the general philosophy of the Cenobites, then Hellraiser (2022) is for you.

A reporter with daddy issues finds out from Pinhead’s human soul that his evil counterpart is about to break his way into our world and she’s the only one who can send him back to hell. 

Hell on Earth is cheesy. Like really cheesy. But that’s what makes it fun. If it wasn’t a cheesy melodrama thinly veiling a special effects bonanza, it wouldn’t be as high on this list. Even Pinhead’s having more fun, basically acting like Freddy Krueger took over his body. Its major flaw is that it’s not the atmospheric and philosophical horror that made Hellrasier unique in the first place, but then again it wasn’t really trying to be that.

An addict with a shitty boyfriend ends up with a mysterious puzzle box that disappears the people who solve it. As reality unwinds around her, our heroine fears she’s responsible and desperately tries to undo the damage done by the box. 

My main qualm with Hellraiser (2022) is that it works really hard to reformat the original ideas into a script that follows a slasher format, but I don’t think that slasher format actually works that well. So much of what doesn’t work around the movie stems from that central issue, from inconsistent characterization to odd pacing. On the positive side, the visuals are solid, the Cenobites really benefit from being portrayed more stoic and otherworldly, and the lead delivers a really solid performance. Ultimately it’s still a good time, but it never reaches the heights of the original duology.

#5 – Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)

A three part story of three generations of the L’Marchand family. In part one, innocent toymaker L’Marchand becomes an unwitting player in the grotesque and arcane circumstances that made the box the cursed object it is. In part two, L’Marchand is an architect trying to save his family from Pinhead, even if that means opening the door to hell. And in part three, the futuristic descendent of the L’Marchands has set a trap for Pinhead, but is stopped from completing it by unsuspecting space cops.

Bloodline is not nearly the technical marvel that its predecessor Hell on Earth is, but it has its fair share of cheesy special effects to delight. Instead, it’s the story that’s ambitious. A tale of three generations’ relationships with the puzzle box and Pinhead, I personally found each of the three stories compelling. Part two feels tonally like a direct sequel to Hell on Earth and is the weakest for it. Disowned by its director, the directing and acting are indeed subpar, but there’s enough creative juice flowing through this one to get it its place on this list.

#6 – Hellraiser: Deader (2005)

A hard-nosed and street-smart reporter is assigned to investigate a cult that intentionally kills its members so that they can be brought back to life. As she investigates, she falls into the cult’s trap and ends up playing a role in their rituals that she never could have predicted.

All of the Rick Bota entries (Inferno, Hellseeker, and Deader) have these mind-bending story and film techniques that ultimately don’t do a whole lot for the movie. Deader’s mind-bending tricks are the most successful, probably because the story itself is a bit more complex and surreal. With a L’Marchand descendent at the head of the cult, the movie ties into the mythology in an ambiguous but more present way than many of the other entries on this list. The lead performance, played by Kari Wuhrer, is solid enough that she’s my favorite lead character after Kirsty. There’s a lot to like and a lot to be disappointed in with Deader, but the scales ultimately tip towards the positive, making it the last film on this list I’d actually recommend watching.

#7 – Hellraiser: Judgement (2018)

In an abandoned house, a strange man with a strange typewriter judges the souls of those unfortunate enough to enter his domain, with gross punishments awaiting those who are deemed guilty. Outside the house, a serial killer is killing in the name of God and the three cops assigned to catch him struggle to understand him, let alone his connection with other disappeared criminals.

Technically I rated this the same as Hellseeker, but I’m placing it higher because it has one thing working for it: High Strangeness. Truly surrealist imagery that evokes some amount of horror while also being so baffling that it defies logical understanding. Unfortunately these few scenes of High Strangeness are absolutely bogged down by a standard procedural cop movie, complete with the alcoholic jagged veteran, the loyal-to-a-fault partner, and the up-and-coming female rookie. Its twists and turns ultimately feel hollow as the movie desperately tries and ultimately fails to say anything with its wordy dialogue and vague literary references. 

#8 – Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)

You and your wife get in a car crash. As your car sinks to the bottom of the river, you watch your wife drown inside the car. When you wake up in the hospital, a month has passed and your wife’s body has never been found. Where has your wife gone and why won’t the world go back to normal?

Kirsty’s story gets a sad and forgettable ending as we follow not her, but her shithead husband through his attempts to make sense of her disappearance and all the strange things happening to him. It pulls many of the same tricks as Inferno, to about as effective a result as a wet fart. The lead actor is definitely better than Inferno’s, but he’s given so little to work with that you can’t even be bothered to hate him. What a snooze.

#9 – Hellraiser: Inferno (2000)

A cop sticks his nose a little too far into a ritual murder case and uncovers a conspiracy that threatens his life and everyone he loves. As he rushes to catch the mysterious “Engineer” behind everything, he realizes that nothing and nobody is as they seem.

Clearly not intended to be a Hellraiser movie, just like most of the other direct-to-video entries, the main bad guy of this film isn’t Pinhead, but actually a faceless entity called “The Engineer.” Mind-bending tomfoolery follow to very little effect, taking up lots of screen time and leaving no real impact on the audience. The lead actor is basically dollar store David Boreanez and his two emotional notes are “angry” and “brooding.” It’s hard to much care about a protagonist when the movie makes every effort to make us actively hate him.

#10 – Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)

Two years ago, their friend died by suicide when he became obsessed with the online game “Hellworld,” based on the Hellraiser franchise. Now, invited to a real-life “Hellworld” party, the friends re-immerse themselves in the game they once loved, this time with even more horrifying results.

What if Hellraiser was a haunted house slasher film that was the epitome of 1999, complete with wannabe Scream writing, even though it was released in 2005? Well you’d get this poorly written mess, that constantly ruins what little tension it creates by having the characters make meta-commentary jokes. Lance Henriksen, the die-hard Hellworld fan who hosts the party, is easily the best part of the movie, but that’s not saying much as even he can’t seem to take the script seriously. Out of all the candidates on this list, Hellworld is probably the best watch for a “Bad horror movie” night with friends but watching it with any amount of earnestness will leave you as cold as the graves these kids get buried in.

#11 – Hellraiser: Revelations (2011)

While on a trip to Mexico, two young men disappear after opening a strange puzzle box. Years later, their families come together for an innocent gathering, only for one of the boys to re-appear. But why is he acting so strange? And what does the puzzle box have to do with it?

If you thought the other direct-to-video sequels weren’t enough like the original Hellraiser duology, well congrats on your monkey’s paw wish being granted. Revelations is truly, actually, and sincerely, barely a movie. It’s not its low budget that’s the problem, but the constant technical and creative incompetence that holds this film back. Now I’m not wedded to Doug Bradley being Pinhead (I actually quite liked the remake’s Pinhead), but the actor they chose for this one ain’t it chief. It’s a thin story stretched as far as it can go, with its twist obvious to anyone who’s seen Hellraiser (and who would watch this without being a Hellraiser fan?).

Anime Goes to the Movies! – CAD Edition

Here’s the list of titles I mentioned, the ones with * next to them had a clip shown:
The Castle of Cagliostro (1979)
Ninja Scroll (1993)
Redline (2009)*
The Star of Cottonland (1984)
Night on the Galactic Railroad (1985)
Catnapped! (1995)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Cat_Returns (2002)
Laputa: Castle in the Sky (1986)
Porco Rosso (1992)
The Wind Rises (2013)
Yoyo and Nene (2013)
Welcome to the Space Show (2010)
You are Umasou*
Whisper of the Heart (1995)
When Marnie Was There (2014)
Patema Inverted (2013)
Urusei Yatsura 2: Beautiful Dreamer (1984)
The Garden of Words (2013)
Children Who Chase Lost Voices from Deep Below (2011)
Gauche the Cellist (1984)
Only Yesterday (1991)
Summer Wars (2009)
Wolf Children
Perfect Blue (1997)
Millennium Actress (2001)
Tokyo Godfathers (2003)
Paprika (2006)*
Robot Carnival (1987)
Neo-Tokyo (1987)
Memories (1995)
Blood: The Last Vampire (2000)
Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000)
Dirty Pair: Project Eden (1987)
Steamboy (2004)
Arcadia of My Youth (1982)
Space Pirate Captain Harlock (2013)
Galaxy Express 999 (1979)
Adieu, Galaxy Express 999 (1981)
Macross: Do You Remember Love? (1984)*
Patlabor: The Movie (1989)
Patlabor 2: The Movie (1993)
Akira (1988)
Ghost in the Shell (1995)
Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade (1999)
Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
Sword of the Stranger (2007)*
Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honneamise (1989)
The Dagger of Kamui (1985)
Angel’s Egg (1985)
Adolescence of Utena (1999)

Assembly Line Heroics: The Death of Morality in the Superhero Film

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This is an incomplete essay I wrote for class. The last paragraph was written for this posting, but the rest is intact. Also before we get into the article, check out my new facebook page where I’ll be posting all my reviews, sharing related articles, and asking questions that will be incorporated into new editorials!

The iconography of the superhero is important to our culture, modern myths that exist in the back of our subconscious as relics of childhood. They’re fundamental in the creation of morals in children as well as exposing them to reading and literature. Born on the cusp of World War II, superheroes and their stories has evolved from simple parables of good and evil to complex or convoluted universes and epics tying together every theme and gimmick within science fiction and fantasy. Due to each character being handled by dozens to hundreds of creators, their mythos isn’t clear cut, but within the ambiguity can remain a core, a “gist” that each child picks up instinctively. Superman is the warm protective boy scout, Batman is the dark avenger of crime (and occasionally protector of the weak), Captain America is the stranger in a strange land, here to remind us of our past, and Spider-man is the journey to and through adulthood twisted by tragedy. To take these heroes, ultimately the sums of the decades of parts, and accurately translate them to screen is truly no easy task. Comics demand participation, forcing you to fill in not only the gaps in continuity, but gaps in action due to the format of serialized pictorial storytelling (McCloud). Cinema fills in the gaps for you and asks a lot less of you in terms of participation, but asks more of you in terms of suspending disbelief since cinema is a far more “realistic” medium than comics.

This paradox of realism and faithfulness to the source material has plagued comic book films since the beginning. In the 20th century films took a variety of approaches, from the incredibly faithful 1978 Superman, to the intentionally distant 1989 Batman. In the early 2000s starting with X-Men there was an attempt to be fairly faithful to the comics, if not in content then in tone. Starting with Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins and brought to the forefront with Iron Man, superhero films started feeling less like their comic counterparts. Iron Man and The Dark Knight made 2008 the turning point in superhero films. Iron Man’s gross of over $300 million would set in motion the rest of the Marvel films to come, and The Dark Knight’s box office and critical success would bring superhero films to the forefront.

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Now the fact that these two specific films mark the turning point is an important fact. The Dark Knight is perhaps the least “comic booky” comic book film ever made, passing over the melodrama for a battle of ideologies, and avoiding super-weapons for regular acts of domestic terrorism. Iron Man is far more standard in its story, but thanks partially to its star, Robert Downey Jr., and its director, Jon Favreau, Iron Man feels drastically different from its comic book counterpart. The Iron Man comics were occasionally jokey, yes, but for the most part they were standard comic book fare and took itself seriously in the process. Iron Man is a light and fun film, with its Tony Stark being a wisecracking smartass who makes the film with his charismatic performance. The setting is updated so that Stark is captured in the Middle East and his enemy is a terrorist group. He spends most of the movie developing the suit and he finds himself clashing with the military on his first outing. The film remains fairly down to earth in this way, until the final act where Obadiah Stane puts on his super-suit and dukes it out with Iron Man. Just when it seems like the film will end on a standard note, Tony Stark reveals he’s Iron Man, breaking away from the longstanding secret identity he had in the comics. None of the Avengers have secret identities in fact, which is highly unusual considering how much of a cornerstone of the genre it is. Iron Man felt different from the previous comic book films, mostly because it was severely lacking in cheesiness, and more importantly it had a distinct style and tone to it that was different to its source material, much like Nolan’s Batman films did. It did all this without pissing off the fans and appealing to the mainstream audience.

With those origins established, let’s look back at the films that helped shape the current superhero film. First up is Thor, a daring venture brought to life by Shakespeare-enthusiast Kenneth Branagh. The film by all means shouldn’t exist, after all Thor has always been a character steeped in so much high fantasy and mythology that translation to the screen seems impossible, let alone in a majorly Christian country. Branagh and the slew of writers managed to take a few core themes: family, humility, love, and make the film about that over the hierarchy of Asgard or the religious details of how Yggdrasil works. The film grossed $181 million domestically and proved that concept has little bearing on success.

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Cut to The Avengers, the culmination of Marvel’s efforts to that point and the pay-off for the “gamble” that they and Disney made. It’s highly unlikely that audiences wouldn’t have went to an Avengers movie with the four years of anticipation they had, but it was still daring nonetheless. The skillful directing and writing of Joss Whedon, whose previous work on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly made him a suitable choice to handle the team dynamic, made the film above par in character writing and dialogue even if the story was a little lacking. Avengers carried the same balance of humor and action that the Iron Man series had and took the different tones of all the previous films and amalgamated them into one. After The Avengers both the look and the tone of the subsequent films would be far more similar, especially in their marketing.

The following year saw success on DC’s part with the release of Man of Steel. Successful at the box office despite its dislike from critics, Man of Steel applied the aesthetic and tonal style of Nolan’s trilogy to the mythos of Superman. The result created a massive divide between fans, but it made money nonetheless, providing DC with the foothold in the market they needed to compete with Marvel to at least some degree. The darkening of Superman, a fairly light character in his other adaptations, gave a clear indication that superheroes on the screen wouldn’t even need to follow the spirit of the original. Between Man of Steel and The Avengers, the massively destructive climax battle has now become a staple of the subgenre, but that’ll be addressed later.

As Adorno cites, all pop culture is standardized product of the cultural industry, and superhero films are now the epitome of this. With the industrial pressures and audience enthusiasm, superhero movies are are hardly art, for they now resemble commodities far more. This process of standardization has been ongoing, but in retrospect it was inevitable.

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What made these characters interesting was how unique they are, and their teaming up is supposed to be a mash-up of distinctly different superheroes working together despite their differences. In the homogenized world of the Marvel cinematic universe and the upcoming DC cinematic universe, these characters own films are barely different from each other, let alone the characters themselves.

The cinematic superhero is no longer the superhero we grew up on. The cinematic superhero no longer emphasizes morals above all else, no matter what those morals may be. The cinematic superhero is far less hero and far more super. In the turning point in the latest superhero trend, superhero films changed from being that of tight comic adaptations with the themes therein intact and more about an action film with capes and masks. The super hero became less of an individual who looks over us and more the last man standing. Reflected in Iron Man, The Avengers, and Guardians of the Galaxy, not only has this representation become more popular in use, but naturally box office as well. The ideological and moral ramifications of the hero have been stripped away from them in exchange for making them rock stars for us to worship and wish we were rather than the acknowledge the struggle of being.

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The turning point in the success/popularity of superhero films was 2008’s Iron Man, starring Robert Downey Jr. Clear separation from character starts with RD’s charming and sarcastic portrayal of Tony Stark. His one-liners never end, even as his character “grows.” At the end of the film, he is still the playboy billionaire with a drinking problem, but now he wants to help people at the same time, presumably to stroke his own ego. The relatively honest and serious origins in the cave are quickly swept aside for the sequence of Tony tinkering with the suit and finally having a blast flying around. Followed around by a soundtrack by AC/DC as well as extras doting on him at every turn, Tony Stark is a celebrity and his decision at the end of the film makes Iron Man a celebrity. As half-hearted as his secret identity was in the comics, it still provided him some degree of protection, if not from villains, then from the press. This Tony Stark forgoes this and in Iron Man 2, we see the fruits of this with bikini clad Iron-girls and auditorium of cheering fans.

In The Dark Knight, Batman wannabes walk the streets, literally fanboys of acting out their own fantasies. Bruce Wayne acts similarly to Tony Stark, parading around the upper class. In the comics we rarely see Bruce Wayne, and if we do it’s for some charity event, while in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight he enjoys certain splendours of upper class life in between his caped escapades.

In The Amazing Spider-man 2, the villain Electro’s origin is changed so that he’s a crazed fanboy of Spider-man’s. In The Avengers, the film ends on a note of people’s reactions, most positive, but they’re debated like celebrities. Captain America: The First Avenger has Cap first acting as a stage performer, the same tool of propaganda he was in real life.

A fundamental part of being a hero is surviving what’s thrown at you, but that comes secondary. This is perhaps most notably explained by looking at Man of Steel. The film’s destruction has been well-studied by scholars, particularly as a response to 9/11, however in context to the large battles in The Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Thor: The Dark World, Green Lantern, and Captain America: The Winter Soldier it becomes clear that massive amounts of destruction are par for the course, Man of Steel’s is merely the most excessive. There’s something entrancing about the last (wo)man standing and standing relatively unscathed in the crater that remains of Metropolis, Superman certainly fits that description. This glorification of perseverance in the face of ultimate destruction can be tied to 9/11 the same way the perseverance in the face of ultimate destruction that is kaiju in Japanese films can be tied to Hiroshima.

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Another component that goes hand in hand with this is the emphasis of stopping the bad guy, and the lack of emphasis on saving people. Avengers precariously walks this line, but barely pulls it off mostly due to the large cast being able to multitask and the previous experience writer/director Joss Whedon has working with hero teams. Man of Steel ignores the people, as does Iron Man 2.

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Guardians of the Galaxy may be the most recent example of all these trends appearing in one film, a sign of things to come, especially since this film was immensely popular. The team engage in mostly comical and charming banter, pompously parading around the universe. The soundtrack, which is extraordinarily utilized, iconizes them the say way the soundtrack in a Scorsese film would. In the climactic battle, thousands of Nova Corps members, essentially policemen, die, but little more than a single tear is given to them. The city is claimed to be evacuated, but shots of screaming civilians say otherwise. The heroes are too busy having a dance off to care though.

One merely needs to look at the latest chart of superhero films to see that there is no art behind this commerce. Like Madden video games, one or two will come out each year with little changes to message, theme, or even story. Even if one or two films manage to step outside the norm, it doesn’t matter. It’ll be one in a sea of many. Perhaps what has been said above is obvious, and yet each Marvel movie comes out and gets all the attention in the world. When film critics dare to argue against a superhero film, they are sent death threats. We as a culture are obsessed, and unfortunately we are obsessed with the equivalent of an ikea couch.