I really don’t like the person I am when I’m in groups of people, especially my friends.
My mind immediately goes on auto-pilot and I rarely stop to think through what I’m saying.
I’m rude, crude, and a couple of funny jokes doesn’t make being a general asshole.
I get that that’s like my thing, but I don’t want to be that guy.
I get home whenever I hang out with my friends and I sit and regret half the things I said. I shouldn’t have to do that.
So to any of you that get around to reading this, please forgive me and if we are hanging out just remind me occasionally to get off of auto-pilot. I want to be a better person, particularly to those who I value more then anyone else in this idiotic world.
I hate days like these
It’s like getting drunk
We’ll I think it is. Fuck if I know.
All inhibition is zwoop gone!
Soooooo venting time!
You’re a whiny bitch! Succchhhh a whiny little bitchhhhhh
You lot are awesome, keep up the good work despite my feeling oddly distant from you!
You are going to be learning some interesting lessons soon (We’ll see how that goes)
School is boring, work is more so
You are suspiciously great. Remind me to monitor the situation closely to prevent future catastrophes.
Everyone is a bunch of idiots except a handful of people. I sure wish I knew them.
Adults are not adults because of their wisdom or maturity, rather just their age.
Hunter is a bitch (oooohhhh got fucking name specific that time!)
Oh and whatever you do don’t get a tumblr! That’d be too much of a time suck. You don’t have time for that. Except when you’re being tired and moody. Also I’ve given up the search. They deserve their privacy or at least she does. I don’t wanna be an asshole about this.
I’m not meant for normality. Girls shouldn’t ask me for their number. That’s not something that happens to me. Not me. No. Stop universe.
I hate when people complain about being lonely. That being said:
I make a shitty boyfriend. Gotta keep telling myself that.
I’m sick of making decisions.
Every goddamn day I have to make goddamn decisions because nobody else fucking will! I made and make decisions for myself, for my family, in my old relationship, for my coworkers, and especially for my friends. And I’m fucking sick of it.
The only reason I keep making decisions for everyone else is because I’m too impatient. Too unwilling to waste what little time we have on this planet humming and hawwing about what bloody pizza to get! And I’m just agressive and confident enough to make them because if you don’t fucking like it then you should have said something!
I get why people don’t like making decisions because I feel the same way myself. With every decision you make comes responsibility. Responsibility for the consequences and the effects on people. So it’s nice to take a break, turn off your brain and let other steer the ship. Every time I make a decision I risk ruining the day for everyone else, but I’ll take it head on not because I want to, but because nobody else will. And while I understand that mentality that doesn’t mean it doesn’t piss me off EVERY GODDAMN DAY!!!
I take responsibility for every aspect of my life every day! What do you do!? Sit on your ass all day playing video games, smoking pot, or browsing the web!? FUCK YOU! If you can’t manage to take some fucking responsibility for your actual life then I’d think you’d be at least able to manage picking what you fucking want on your pizza or what to put in the script, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Think through your actions, think through the consequences and fucking gain the goddamn strength to stand up more than once a fucking month! At least do it so I can finally get some goddamn rest.
I’m so tired.
A lesson I need to re-teach myself every once in a while is this:
There’s no real point in feeling lonely all the time. There’s no need to want another so badly that you spend nights crying or being moody. All that does is make you feel worse than you should have to.
After all you’ll meet that person someday. I’m not being optimistic or a romantic, I’m just being realistic. Statistically you’ll meet someone some day.
So why waste your time wallowing in misery? All you need is patience and you shall be rewarded!
That being said, loneliness does provide one service: contrast.
Without hunger, food can’t be truly appreciated. Without cold, warmth can’t be truly appreciated. Without loneliness, Love can’t be truly appreciated.
So don’t feel bad for being lonely, as all your doing is making that love of yours even better when it does come. Find a balance though, or you might get so wrapped up in loneliness you won’t be able to appreciate anything, let alone love.
Thanks to a certain show for re-teaching me that.
I can’t believe I forgot to promote this!
I’ve got a new podcast: La Cinema Cynique Podcast, where my co-host and I review movies!
Check out our episode on Scott Pilgrim vs the World here!
And our recent episode on Saw here!
A few mates of mine have started up a supernatural found-footage vlog series in the style of shows like Marble Hornets. It’s a project I’m very excited about, and not just because I’ll be helping out in a month or two!
They’re only a couple episodes in, so pardon the slowness of the entries, but rest assured shit will be hitting the fan soon!
You can find their channel HERE
I went through all my posts and realized that this blog is 50% sub-par to mediocre reviews and 40% useless and redundant tumblr questions. The rest is random posts about things only I would understand or sappy romantic gushing. Why the hell would anyone read all this?
This has been a really bad week. Lots of rage and words that shouldn’t be expressed in a public forum.
It’s really hot and I wish I had AC but I know I technically can’t afford it, especially since I can technically live without it.
Why can’t I be creative. I’m so jealous of everyone and I want to be better but I haven’t had a usuable idea yet. I know I shouldn’t push it but I really would like to be creative for once.
Repeating “Green is not a creative color.” over and over probably isn’t healthy.
I almost wish I had someone to talk to about all this, but at the same time the chemistry isn’t quite right with anyone yet. It really sucks not being able to keep track of my thoughts because mood swings are a fucking thing. I know I’m not stable but that doesn’t mean I know what to do about it. I can still function so that’s all that matters. It’ll pass probably just keep popping pills. Wheeeee
I mean I like being a critic and all but it’d be nice to actually put something out that not only I can be proud of but people can like as well. But no I’ll probably just spend my life admiring others creativity. I’ll do my duty.
Green is not a creative color. Apparently walking around in a circle for 15 minutes with a knife in your hand doesn’t spur creativity either.
Random thoughts are random because pop culture reference.
It’ll pass probably. Plus I shouldn’t get too invested, I’ll just stop caring someday anyways. That’s apparently how that works. So many potentials, no possibilities. It’s most annoying.
Nice to be included, but I can’t be by myself as long for some reason.
Fuck you trying to sound smarter then you are.
and Fuck you for being dumb.
and Fuck you for not firing me yet, despite the fact I’m utterly useless to you.
I need a haircut.
Thanks for tuning in. This was your friendly reminder that this is a personal blog and I can’t possibly be professional all the time.
Green is not a creative color. All the boys love mandy lane. Mandy lane loves all the boys. Green does not love all the boys. Mandy lane is creative, but not me.
Pleasant nightmares everyone.
To all Animinneapolis and Anime Central attendees who have stopped by my site post-panel!
Thanks again for attending and I hope to see you at other panels I do at future conventions!
Hinthint I’m working on a panel about being a critic on the internet right now
Anyways if you want to check out more of my stuff in the upcoming weeks, not to mention the great work of my coworkers then by all means please head on over to Geek Juice Media!
I don’t think I’m going to make to the end of the semester. Something’s going to give and it’s probably going to be my already flimsy sanity.